distressed by depravity

For if God did not spare the angels when they sinned, but cast them deep into hell, placing them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment; if He did not spare the ancient world when He brought the flood on its ungodly people, but preserved Noah, a preacher of righteousness, among the eight; if He condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to destruction, reducing them to ashes as an example of what is coming on the ungodly; and if He rescued Lot, a righteous man distressed by the depraved conduct of the lawless (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)— if all this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment. - 2 Peter 2:4-9

We cannot have mercy without justice, and there are some torments in this world that fall so far outside of God’s design as to cause deep distress to those who hear about them. Mercy unjustly shown to a child molester, for instance, provides little comfort, no mercy, and no justice for the victim. I speak of legal terms here. Spiritually, there is always the hope of redemption, God’s mercy. On this earthly plain, however, law and order must be upheld or there is no justice for such as these - until the Day of Judgement anyway. All must be brought into the light - and it is far better to be judged here, even to spend a lifetime in prison, than in the after life, where God already sees and knows all and will judge.

Rather than being distressed by depravity, however, (and to my furthered distress) I see a culture around me that too often excuses vice, sin, depravity, horrors, and - to speak crassly - ‘get off’ on the sensation of it all. Our culture drips with sympathy for devils and winks at many things it should be grieved by instead. Especially in our Christian spheres. But even much of the Christian world circles around the same second-hand sins of the world: trashy music that praises and boasts about various sins, trashy movies and TV that stroke sensualities and drama, immodest clothing, and the fear-porn of the media in general. Forget the world for a moment: Is anyone even distressed about their own sin any more?

Right or wrong, I feel like Lot a lot of days, as he is here described. Not because I am so ‘righteous’ maybe but certainly because I am distressed.

Since taking a job with Child Protective Services several years ago, I can no longer see anything around me the same way. Every blinder, every innocence, every naivety about the going-ons of the world around me has fallen down around me, like the ashes of a wildfire in swirling wind.

I no longer see the person who is impoverished: I see the drug addiction there too. I no longer hear the pleas of a man working long hours: I see the drug-use in his twitches, his posture, his speech. I am no longer able to take anything - not one thing - at face value; I’ve seen too many lies.

I have watched the man walk into a court room, self-assured and self-deceived, on a very high-horse, and an eligible bachelor of good looks too, while my stomach and mind turned inside-out with knowing - in graphic detail - what he did to his daughters. All the while swearing to everyone that he was a ‘good’ dad.

I have seen the mousy man cower with people-pleasing manner one minute, seen him interact with his children appropriately in public, all the while knowing that he had felt-up and proposed to a 14 year old, while in a relationship with another woman, while showing his own child porn.

I have met the women who were sold as children to various men for a moment’s pleasure by mothers and grandmothers who needed their next fix. And I have seen the next generation do the same with their own daughters.

I’m not sure whether this is knocking anything loose inside of you yet, but I can tell you that for me, there is no coming back from these stories. No coming back from the images that now haunt my waking and sleeping hours due to the graphic nature of forensic interviews. No coming back from realizing just how far people will go to deceive, to lie, and to keep their ‘Precious’ - to borrow from Lord of the Rings. It’s not a TV series. It’s not entertainment. These are people’s, children’s, real lives…

Well, for a someone who grew up ‘sheltered’ from the world (thankfully), it’s been a toxic shock I’m not sure I’ll survive. I am tormented. And I do not, will not ever understand, why people seek out cheap thrills that mimic these very real life horrors for their ‘entertainment’ in our world today.

Distressing does not even begin to cover how I feel about that.

It is sheer horror.

I did have the wits about me to know that I could not do this job with Jesus. There have been many days since taking this job when I had to stop and confess that I could not go on another second in it if Jesus did not come down and help me… and He has been kind enough to keep me in it.

For how much longer? I’m not sure.

I am praying that the Lord indeed knows how to rescue me from these trials… and to bring true justice at world’s end for some of these depraved and distressed souls I meet.

Only One Refuge

I guess all I want to say to my fellow Christians out there regarding our present culture is — When is enough, enough? To what degree does the culture around you have to decay before you turn the TV off, throw away those godless albums, and shun the perversions (along with the excuses) of the world?

How many more children have to be sexually abused by their fathers before we stop purchasing clothing that clearly sexualizes our pre-adolescent and adolescent children? Do you even notice it any more? Or are you so integrated in the culture that you don’t even see it any more? It’s not ‘cute’. It’s not ‘cute’ if your three-year-old knows how to twerk; ‘cute’ is not what your resident pervert is thinking - I can promise you that.

If you think these horrors aren’t happening on a daily basis in your city, and if you don’t think our hyper-sexualized culture and the ease with which men and woman may appease themselves with these vices aren’t related to the terrors our children now face, you have buried your head in the sand, friend. And that’s just the truth. The connections between porn, media, the ridiculous clothing trends, and people treating children like sex objects is rather obvious - for anyone looking up.

Thankfully, a lot of research is now coming out on this very topic, for which I am grateful…

Today’s sermon in church was about where we find refuge in life. I have to confess I have taken refuge in men, in relationships, in my own physical appearance, in some talents, and in much people-pleasing in the past. All of these fail to provide refuge in the long-run. My relationships have failed, peri-menopause and a sedentary job has taken a good stab at my figure; energy for side-talents and hobbies have faded, and people-pleasing got me into far more trouble with God than good. I have not always taken refuge where I should either….

Are you distressed?

Where do you take refuge?

Psalm 46

1  God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

2  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

3  though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

The earth gives way under me, the waters roar, and the mountains may as well pick up and move into the sea for all of the turmoil and distress I feel, see, and hear all around me. I have only ever known One true Refuge… I hope you know Him too. He is the only perfect mercy and justice Administrator.